Ever heard Six Feet Under's cover album of AC/DC's "Back in Black?" Oh yes, the desecration of a classic album, the horrendous mixture of hard rock and death metal traits, terrible musical performances...what amazing fun! Now if you've heard the "Graveyard Classics II" atrocity, imagine an album with all the hard rock riffs, heavy distortion, guttural and squealing vocals and choruses stitched on the hide of a death metal group that actually wrote an album of original death 'n' roll material in the vein of AC/DC humping Six Feet Under. That picture, is "Germany's Next Death Metal" in a can. And everything that could be wrong with the death 'n' roll ideology is. Debauchery puts the alloy of their influences together and it sounds like a total disaster from start to finish. With something so awful, there is no sanctuary."Germany's Next Death Metal" is a record of formulaic easiness: use hard rock riffs, bring in the growling vocals, jump into a chorus which usually involves shouting the song title, circle around the verse-chorus formula, throw in a guitar solo, beat the chorus into the ground again, and ta-da! That's seriously a majority of the album in a shell. Sometimes Debauchery throws out a double-bass section layered underneath fast, rapid riffing, but everything becomes so pale and generic that nil comes from this alphabetic display of musical stupidity. Most importantly, nothing they do even triggers a positive response
it's just sifting around in the simplistic nimbus like a middle-school rock band.
But the whole situation just collapses. Performance wise, I'm pretty much in awe with the retching vocals, which sound like basic, everyday growls occasionally forced into annoying squeals and narration so bad it's almost funny. I liked a few of the guitar solos, but finding a clean spot on a piss-covered toilet seat doesn't mean I'm going to sit in it. The lyrics are so juvenile and pathetic that Entombed's scriptures are on the same level of a William Faulkner novel in comparison, another theme of this horrible garbage. Debauchery's cover of Alice Cooper's "School's Out" blows too, but what else would have happened, really? I'm honestly overwhelmed by the amount of garbage in this abominable trash.
I pondered a serious question the first time I heard the chorus of the opening number that I'm still asking myself: is this a joke? Maybe some one-dimensional, corny attempt at humor, perhaps trying to get a knee-slap or a quick chuckle? I certainly hope that's what Debauchery wanted. If they were hunting for musical value or something relevant or revolutionary, then I'm completely speechless. How anyone could find substance in "Germany's Next Death Metal" is beyond me, but feel free to look into this myopic slab of laughable rubbish if you don't believe me; it's your time, not mine. Consider the bar officially lowered.