Figure of Six - Aion Review
by Matt Hensch
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I have to say, Figure of Six has absolutely no idea what they are doing. Not only is the group another example of worn metalcore, but they do crazy sh*t like techno touches and keyboards, which will easily absorb retards, yet shall only repel upon being heard by individuals with common sense.
The album is called Aion, and I would be lying if I said it was not one of the most unoriginal and putrid items I have ever heard. Everything Figure of Six offers smells. Just when the metalcore trend could not sound any worse, we have a lackluster attempt at sucking off mainstream audiences while Figure of Six tries a few new sauces probably never tampered with before, but that still does not change the fact Aion cannot match Sarah Palin's IQ.
And neither will these sub-par dolts if they keep up the simplicity. Frankly, Aion has just a few aspects built into its system: constant breakdowns, stop-start riffs, meandering percussion that only applies easy pops, and no variety. Solos are nonexistent, as are any form of change; one musical set of breakdowns and chugging guitars for each tune, done nine times, for one grim album. And I will tell you something else; I would be thrilled to deck their vocalist in the f*cking face. Pre-adolescent screams, clean vocals that sound like a hardcore meathead with throat cancer and awful overall performances from our teenage friend intoxicate many aspects of this already-suffering effort. Talk about self-destructive; Figure of Six has already committed mass suicide unintentionally.
What do you have in your arsenal now, Figure of Six? You have burned all those bridges, so how does one change countless errors? Here is an idea: obsolete keyboards! Yeah, that's the aid. Now I enjoy keyboards, but Figure of Six has no idea how to use this complex tool regardless of musical background. For example, one will have a gun to the roof of your mouth after experiencing breakdown after breakdown, when a telepathic force pulls the trigger with beeping cacophonies and shameful chimes serving no purpose whatsoever. Whenever backed into a corner, just toss up random pianos and techno beats emerging from this unnecessary instrument harming the metalcore atmosphere within Aion even more than before. Good philosophy. Now disband.
As a sledgehammer to the sternum, Figure of Six's Aion can potentially cause self-inflicted chest wounds if experienced in long durations, and listeners at the highest risk include those whom simply hate talentless garbage such as this myopic garbage. I have heard many metalcore albums against my will, and several of which have been more experimental than the average bear, but that does not change the overall consensus: metalcore does not work when stacked against stupid ideas! Figure of Six, however, is unquestionably the barrel's bottom, so please break every copy of Aion seen. It will benefit mankind, and that is more important than one's temporary incarceration!
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Figure of Six - Aion Rating:1.0
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