Hard Rock Album
The following was originally published in our Artist of the Month section.
Review by Scott Slapp
Loudermilk destroyed my
life plain and simple. This album made me doubt wanting to write for antiMUSIC
because it’s proven to be so dangerous. Let me explain a bit so you know
what the hell I’m talking about and you don’t think I’ve been smoking banana
peals again (they give you a great buzz, don’t let anyone tell you different!)
I’ve known the editor
for anti for a long time; we used to get arrested together up in Hollywood
at thrash concerts for beating up poseurs. I’ve always dug the vibe of
the site. You know, talking s*** on worthless record industry puppets and
then bangin out the killer s***. My day gig is writing for a pretty mainstream
music pub and I don’t get a chance to let loose or to cover some of the
bands that anti would cover (that's what I dig about anti the most, they
don't care if it's a garage band or a superstar, they just want to cover
kick ass bands), so I hit my ol’ buddy up to do some stuff on anti from
time to time. Right as I was getting my feet wet with a couple of reviews
under my belt, I surfed over to the site to see my wonderful prose in print
and saw this song of the day deal at the top of the page. Being the curious
mofo that I am, I clicked over and checked out a few tunes. The one that
hit me the hardest was the Loudermilk song “Estrogen Oxygen Aches In The
Teeth Again,” I was like “dude this rocks!” So I hit up my editor and said,
“dude, what’s up with Loudermilk? Are you going to be doing any coverage
on them? If so be a bro and kick it my way!” He told me that they had the
band set for the artist of the month for November and he asked me if I’d
be into to doing the article. I was all over it like gopher to softdirt.
“Hell, yeah! I’d love to talk this s*** up!” That’s where the trouble started.
I went over and picked up
the CD and cruised home, ready to rock out to it on my 5.1 surround sound
system. I grabbed a beer, popped the CD in and cranked the volume all the
way up! Screw my neighbors, they suck anyway and they could use some kick
ass rock n roll to help get that stick out of their collective yuppie,
Yanni listenin’ to, rearsides!
“Estrogen Oxygen Aches In
The Teeth Again” came on full bore, shaking the house, rattling the windows
and flat out kickin my ass! By the time it got to the first chorus I was
in rock heaven, just diggin’ this s*** to no end! I cranked it up louder
and all of a sudden my stereo started smokin’ and flames started shootin’
out of my speakers. This CD rocked so hard my $1000 stereo couldn’t handle
it, it went into overload and exploded!
If that wasn’t bad
enough just as the song kicked in, my cat Ozzy strolled into the room to
check out the kick ass tunes (Ozzy’s usually into death metal, but he was
diggin Loundermilk purring his little head off, looking out the window
for the neighbor's tomcat to rock out with.) Then as the first chorus was
ending and Loudermilk’s singer Davey Ingersoll was belting out “… Aches
In The Teeth Again” that was when the stereo exploded and one of the flames
that shot out from the speakers caught Ozzy in the tail and the little
dude took off like a rocket. I tried chasing him down to put out the flames
but the little dude could move like Jesse Owens and as he raced from room
to room he caught everything in his wake on fire from curtains to the Exodus
T-shirt I had thrown on the floor. Before I knew it my house was up in
flames. I cornered Ozzy and grabbed the little dude, full on put a death
grip on his tail to put out the flames and bolted out of the place like
my house was on fire! Cuz it was!
The fire dudes showed up
and put out the blaze after it destroyed half of my humble abode. I was
able to get the Loudermilk CD out of my charred player and luckily, my
CD collection was spared but most of my cloths and other stuff was toast.
Now homeless I packed up my CD’s into my car so I could cruise over to
get a hotel room.
In light of just loosing
my house and most of my worldly possessions my mind was still into checkin
out the rock! I still had a job to do and this CD was like crack to a crack
addict, I couldn’t put it down, I had to jam it. Being the smart dude that
I am, I put it in my car CD player and decided I couldn’t chance listening
to “Estrogen Oxygen Aches In The Teeth Again” just yet, so I advanced it
to the second song “California” and cranked it up. Ozzy gave me a loud
meow of approval as the song took over my small car stereo speakers and
made it sound like Madison Square Garden. Ozzy kept meowin’ “Lounder! Louder!
Louder!” I pushed the volume button to the limit and the car was shaking
as I rolled down the street. Ozzy and I agreed, this is some kick ass rock
n roll! You don’t hear this kind of s*** these days. It was killer to hear
a major label band that actually rocked for a change instead of those lame
ass nu-metal jerks or plastic pop stars, and don’t get me started on the
“bling bling” crowd!
We got through about 4 songs
and were just flat out rockin’, Ozzy was bangin’ his head, clawing at the
seats and gave me that look of his that says, “dude, this frickin rocks!”
I agreed. We had the windows down so everyone along the street could enjoy
the tunes, we got some dirty looks from some soccer moms in minivans and
yuppies in SUV’s, Ozzy flipped them the paw and went back to rockin out!
Even the slow jam “Ash
to Ash” was killer, it has sort of an early Bowie vibe and I was kinda
pissed cuz my stereo wouldn’t go any louder. We got through the other couple
of slower jams on the CD “Mai,” and “97 Ways To Kill A Superhero,” which
were really cool and the trippy “Anathma,” but when “Juin” pumped into
to it’s full punk rock roar, sparks started shooting from my dashboard,
flames burst out from the speakers and the inside of the car was on fire!
I jammed the car out of gear, slammed into a telephone poll and grabbed
Ozzy by the tail and got the hell out of Dodge. We stood at the side of
the road with my car engulfed in flames and the song was still rockin’
at full volume, it was so unreal sort of like some kind of weird hard rock
Ozzy made a stupid joke in
cat meows about Loudermilk takes a lickin’ and keeps on rockin’. I watched
my car turning into a charred mass of steel and melted plastic and the
tunes kept coming, despite the disaster in front of me I couldn’t help
but be rocked by the tunes. You gotta pay a high price for real rock, but
it’s worth it! The CD got all the way through the second to last
song before it exploded at the finally of the tune. Man this was powerful
That was two weeks ago and
luckily my anti editor is letting me crash on his couch and use his laptop
to get my stories done for my main gig and this assignment. The insurance
company is given’ a hard time, telling me my coverage doesn’t cover “hard
rock combustion” but I’ll get those bastards to pay up and I’ll be back
in home and auto. As you can see I went through hell and back to get this
article to you. If your gonna check out Loudermilk make sure to have a
fire extinguisher close by and asbestos underwear wouldn’t hurt either
to protect you private parts, cuz this CD rocks so hard it’s explosive.
My anti buddy just
asked me this morning how I was doing and apologized for getting me into
all of this trouble, you could see the hint of smile in the corner of his
mouth as he probably thought to himself, “better Scott than me”, but whatever,
the day I line up a new pad, I’ll get him for this and rig his alarm clock
to play this CD, so he can wake up to the rock and feel just how explosive
this damn band is as his house explodes into flames! A couple of
friends I told this story to think I’m crazy cuz despite everything that
happened to me as a result of listening to this CD, the music is so killer
that I think it was worth it! Screw it, cars and houses can be replaced
but you can’t replace real kick ass rock n roll! And that’s exactly
what Loudermilk gives you! So if you got the balls and a good insurance
policy, check this CD out!
P.S. If anyone from Dreamworks
reads this, I need another copy of the CD cuz my other one melted along
with my car and the insurance dudes said there was no way in hell they
would pay for a new one.
This CD online and Listen to Samples
a friend about this article
What Do You Think?