Ashley Parker
Angel - Soundtrack To Your Life Review
.
Well I can say that anyone who calls this
WONDERFUL release by Ashley Parker Angel "Gay", "Demented", "Suckish",
"What's wrong with this world?!?", "Did the record company execs listen
to this guy before they signed him?", "Pure musical Sewage", "The only
CD known to cause physical pain in hearers" or any other derogatory remarks
BETTER SHUT UP! To even think anything like that makes as much sense as
System of a Down nodding their lyrical approval to the anti-commie Tiananmen
Square Protestors!
This is absolutely the best CD antiMusic
has ever gotten! Now you know the reason our editor didn't print a Day
in Rock story that day- he was too awed by the sheer musical beautifulliliousnessification
of the brilliant musical geniuses behind APA & he couldn't bear to
drag himself to the computer, struck into catatonia by the noise gurgling
out of his speakers LIKE A SHOWER OF GOLD PELTING HIM WITH DIAMONDS. (BTW
K, according to the free dictionary I rely on for most of my "facts", you
better see a doc about that catatonia. See? "cat·a·to·ni·a
Pronunciation (kt-tn-) n. An abnormal condition variously characterized
by stupor, stereotypy, mania, and either rigidity or extreme flexibility
of the limbs. It is most often associated with schizophrenia." What an
educational CD review, huh? Even free medical advice! I'm tellin' ya, you
should charge people for the fine services you & antiMusic have to
offer!!)
OK, the first track was all I needed to
feel complete...no wait! The title of this CD did it for me! It is called:
"Soundtrack to YOUR life!"
WOW! How's that for unpretentious &
unassuming?!?! YES! I have literally been scouring various flea markets,
hoping to find a CD with a song on it about letting someone go, a song
about recovering from an illness, a title track, a song about feeling so
alive, a song about crazy beautiful, a song about....ya see what I mean!?!
No need to go on- this CD exemplifies PERFECTION in its purest form! It's
like having my own private stalkers that made me a personalized CD after
they listened to my needs, watched me in my house, followed me as I drove,
bought what I bought in the store, slapped a GPS onto my car to monitor
my travels more closely, etc! Wonderful!
OK, now back to the most desirable &
attractive first song ever in the history of first songs. Y'know that song
that I love, that is always on different radio stations & it's always
background music for those really cool commercials for zit cream &
sometimes it?s even on TV shows I LOVE! Like the time I heard it while
I was watching my ALL TIME favorite TV show of ALL TIME, "The Young Attractive
Teens With Plenty of Money & Absentee Parents & Interesting "Problems"
that Never Imitate Real Life Problems, Like My Embarrassing Dad & How
He Scratches Himself & Belches & Says 'That Was a Good One!' When
My Friends Come Over" Yeah! That one song that is so familiar, (because
it's SO popular!) yet I can never remember what it is when I am buying
my music from the MTV Top Ten site. Well GUESS WHAT! My new BFF, the loverly
APA, the only man I've ever really wanted to designate an honorary girl
(I'm going to send my crack team of on- call surgeons to his house to finish
the job as a surprise for him this weekend, I think. Shhh! Don't tell him!!)
OK, anyway, yeah, this first song sounds exactly like that! I listened
to it, and literally, I thought I was dead, it was THAT GREAT!!!! That
has NEVER happened to me before, ever! In the history of my entire life!!
OK! Onto the second song! Wait....Oh man,
I am just SO unworthy to listen to the rest of this CD- I have to listen
to music of lesser quality while I write my review of Asshat Isosceles
Angle. Hmmm, how 'bout Aerosmith- since clearly Asshat writes music for
people WAY more sophisticated than me, who accessorize better than me...whose
hair is naturally shinier, bouncier & holds a curl WAY better than
mine...who always know what wine to pick based on not only meat, but season,
time of day and status of the local elections...who always remember who
not to seat next to who at their flawlessly executed banquets for hundreds
of people, including dignitaries & heads of state....who can always
pick paintings that perfectly match their furniture....who never forget
to feed their tadpoles?.I SUCK! WHY DON'T I JUST DIE! WHY DOES KEAVIN TRUST
ME TO REVIEW ANYTHING!?!?!?!
I'm sorry; I am so overcome with emotion
that I just can't write this review! This music is NOT for peons or slobs,
LIKE ME!!! So buy it as if it were $4 gallon fuel you vehicle, purchase
it with anger & intensity & NEVER remove it from its protective
wrapper! Just set it on a shelf in your house & light candles next
to it 5 times a day, DO NOT place the candles too near the wrapper, if
you accidentally set fire to this CD, ASSHAT & I will HUNT YOU DOWN
AND SET FIRE TO YOUR PLAYGROUND!!!!!!! (If I haven't committed suicide
by then, that is).
CD Info and Links
Ashley Parker Angel - Soundtrack To
Your Life
Label:Universal
Rating:
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About "Let's Get Dolly":
In January (2005) antiMusic readers were introduced to a colorful writer
known as Dolly Doppelganger when her Veridical Polemic column debuted.
That column almost never happened, but Dolly pestered us until we relented
and gave her a chance. The results speak for themselves. You may not know
this but Dolly originally applied for a reviewer position. Fast forward
to mid-January, antiGuy asked me if we had any CDs to review that have
been sitting around for a while. I named a few and he shook his head
and said, "I'll pass, I don't know who you would get to review some of
those!" As those words escaped his lips, the solution came to me, "Let's
get Dolly! She loves everything!" So, I gave Dolly a few CDs to try out
her reviewing skills on and what I got back is classic Dolly. You may not
learn much about the actual CDs, and you will learn far too much about
Dolly's ideas but in the end if you are a Dolly fan you'll love her latest
contributions to antiMusic. If you are looking for regular reviews of these
cds, look somewhere else. Dolly don't play that. - Keavin Wiggins, Editor
antiMusic.com
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